Today Maggie has her first "real" field trip. They are going to a local apple orchard and she was very excited. I think most of her excitement stems from the fact that she gets to ride on a "real" school bus.
You see, we live close enough to school, that the bus route doesn't come our way, yet it is too far to walk, unless we get up and going in the wee hours of morning...(okay, it's not that far!) So we drive! Thank goodness I don't work outside the home, those moms have to be ready and dressed ( I don't know how they do it all.) It seems like I'm driving and dropping off in my jammies every time!
Anyway, back to my point!
As I dropped off at school this morning, I saw a few of the other moms sticking around. Then I figured out that they were going to help with the field trip.
I WANT to help with the field trips!! Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed of the day that I would be able to be a "room-mother." To be there for every class party, every field trip, every function for my child. I also remember thinking that those kids were so lucky to have their mom there for those special events.
I knew when Andy and I got married that it might not be a possibility for me to stay home once we had a few little people. But once we figured out how to make it work, those old day-dreams came back to me. I would be able to fulfill my life long dream. I would be able to be a "room-mother!"
Preschool gave me my first opportunity to try this out. I think I made goodie-bags for every stinkin' holiday there was. Maybe even parent-teacher conferences! (okay, maybe not....but I should have) and I loved every minute! They didn't do too many actual field trips, but I was there to help whenever I could. This is when I realized that my dream may NOT come true. At least with Maggie!
She totally behaves differently when I'm around. She would cling to me like a dryer sheet on my pant leg. She would cry and totally withdraw from her friends and teachers. What have I done? Why does she act this way? Has my dream been crushed?
So today I'm feeling a little jealous. Jealous of the moms who get to go on the field trips, jealous because I want to be there too! Jealous because I wanted to give Maggie that feeling of being so "lucky to have her mom there." I know its wrong to feel this way, but I just can't help it!
I should just be happy for her and I am! I hope she is having an AWESOME time today and I can't wait to hear all about it. Hopefully one of those moms is taking a lot of pictures!
Maybe, just maybe, Max will help me to fulfill my dream. He's my last chance!
2 comments:
The first field trip that came along after I had Dax was the first one I didn't go on with Lily. I had little pangs of guilt and deep desire when I saw those mommies standing around waiting to go. I haven't been on another one since and it does make me itch!
You'll get to do them all with Max! The way Maggie is growing up itr won't be long before you'll be going with her too!
First, I am totally going to be a dropping-off-in-jammies kind of mom. I just know it.
I have those exact same longings, to be the mom that is there on field trips and whatnot. So I understand how you feel. Like you said, hopefully you can do it all with Max. :)
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