However, one of them is definitely easier than the other.
I have come to realize that the one I struggle with is the one who is just-like-me. I am constantly trying to help her get over her issues, so she doesn't have to go through situations like I had to. I'm hard on her, I expect a lot from her and I get frustrated with her. Because she is ME!
I know that I need to ease up, to let her figure things out on her own, to make her own mistakes, but it's so hard. And honestly, I don't know how. She will probably need life-long counseling just for the few years that I've already screwed her up....ugh. I know I need to embrace who she is and just let her be herself without trying to "fix" her, but again...this letting go thing is really hard for me.
So, I'm asking you, my faithful readers to help me. Is it because she's the oldest, or because she's a girl? Or because....well, I don't know.
HELP?! Any advice would be very much appreciated! I LOVE my girl and want to do the very best for her...but I need help!
5 comments:
My first instinct would be to say it's because she's the oldest but my oldest doesn't show typical first born characteristics. So, I'll go with that she's a girl. I have more of those and they still baffle me every day...and I am one! I don't always get them.
We all try and make things easier for our kids then they were for ourselves. But, maybe it's a right of passage that they have to sometimes stumble a little. I don't have an extremely social first born and I worry that other kids will think he's not nice because of it. I need to learn to celebrate that he is often content on his own and I need to always teach him to be a good friend. If he does that I consider it a success. Very hard to learn as a Mom, though.
Traci,
You and Andy are wonderful parents to both Maggie and Max. I love sitting behind you at church and thinking how proud Joy would be of the parenting skills of both of you. You are doing a good job!!!
My oldest is also a girl who is a lot like me. We used to but heads a lot - but, it really does get better as they get older. I can tell by reading this that you are a great mom and I have no doubt that your kids will both turn out great, and I bet they won't need counseling!
Traci, I can SO relate to this post. I have been struggling a lot with my first born too. I'm not sure if it's first born tendencies that are so hard, or if it's just because our personalities are ill suited to one another. I perceive him as having an "attitude problem," to put it simply. Often anxious, worried, negative, argumentative. I find myself lecturing him a lot on how he should act and even feel, but it only leaves us both feeling frustrated. My challenge to myself this year is to lead by SILENT example, trying to model the attitudes I would like him to adopt. I think that would help us both. :-) Good luck with your little lady. She sure is a sweetie. But somehow spending everyday with our sweeties can be pretty tough sometimes.
It is because she is the oldest and a girl. I was the oldest girl, and I got the brunt of everything. It was not pleasant. But I always knew that my parents loved me, and I loved them. I think if that love comes across, she will be fine. It sounds like you are doing great! What's a Mom and a daughter without some butting heads? Then when she's an adult, you can be best friends. Madeline sure enjoys her and talks about her in a postive way. And it never hurts to let go a little at a time. :)
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