Missing

Today was Cantata Sunday at church. It was absolutely beautiful. The music they sang, the story narrated by our wonderful pastor, and just seeing all of the choir members and their dedication and talent. It always gets my every emotion.

I knew it was Cantata Sunday and I knew I would be emotional, you see my late mother-in-law used to be a member of that choir. I could see where she would have been standing, and I could even see her head bopping back and forth at a few of the songs and I envisioned her singing her heart out.

I knew I shouldn't have worn mascara, and why didn't I take my own Kleenex? I had to borrow a hankie from our good friends who were sitting behind us, (thanks Wade...I'll get that hankie washed and returned next Sunday!)

It was mixed emotions for me. I was happy, because I know important the Cantata Sunday always was for Joy and I remember how much she enjoyed it. But I was also sad, for selfish reasons mostly, cause I want her back, I want to sit next to her and hold her hand while we listen to it together. I want my kids to sit on her lap as they sorta listen while doing their "math" books during church.

So even though I know she was there in spirit, it wasn't the same, and I know that. I know that life goes on and that "things change", but I wish, just for this day, that she could have been sitting next to me, holding my hand.