This is where I struggle, each and every day!
But, this is something I desperately need to work on. But how?! I've been trying, but I instantly seem to fall right back into my same old rut.
Not only do I want to help myself, but more importantly, I want to help my daughter! She means the world to me, and I want her to be confident in herself, to be proud of herself and to LOVE herself.
But HOW do I do that? How do I help myself so that she sees that and learns that? UGH! This is so hard!
How do I learn to love myself? How do I put my past behind me and accept that any mistakes I've made, have molded me into the person I am today? How do I learn to take a compliment and accept that the person might actually be being sincere?
Come on people, I need some major therapy here! Please help me out.
As I was reading in my Everyday Blessings book, this is what it says about Confidence:
"Confidence is really just the quiet assurance that you are enough-enough of an employee to get the job done, enough of a wife and mother to take care of your family, enough of a women of God to accomplish what He's called you to do. For some women, that comes easily, for others, not so much. If your confidence is lagging, reach out to God for help. He will help you unveil the real you-the confident and assured you."
I know this sounds like I'm not grateful. But that's not true at all. I know that I have been blessed with a wonderful husband and family. I have been blessed in so many ways, I can't even count them. And that should be enough! But this confidence thing is a huge struggle and I just know that if I could love myself, then all those blessings could be multiplied into so much more.
Seeking advise....any and all!
2 comments:
Traci, I struggle with this as well but have been working with a therapist this year and have learned A LOT. I am certainly not cured, but I am getting better at being kind to myself and appreciating who I am even though I am a work in progress and still have areas I want to change. Here is the technique I have learned, and it sounds super weird, but it works. I'll see if I can explain it. Basically, you need to imagine yourself at a hard point in your life. A time in your life when you made a mistake, a time when you were really sad, a time you were really struggling. It might be a week ago or 15 years ago. Imagine yourself at that time, and approach that girl or woman as if she is someone else. In your mind's eye, see her, ask her how she is feeling, why she is making the choices she is making, why she feels sad, or whatever the case may be. In your mind, listen to her, connect with her (imagine you are hugging or holding hands), tell her that you understand how she feels and that you love her. Tell her she can let go of those negative feelings now because you understand how she feels and empathize with her and accept her for who she is. You need to see yourself in those situations as another person, and treat her as you would treat your daughter or anyone else who was struggling with whatever the issue is. You would approach that person with compassion and love, not judgment and criticism. But for some reason, we are so much harsher on ourselves. The first time my counselor led me through this exercise, I thought it was really weird and that I couldn't do it. But once I gave in to the process and the technique, it started to really help me. I meet with her every other week and she takes me through this exercise, focusing on different points of my life each time, and it takes about an hour. But then, on my own, I try to do a shortened version of the exercise, and I do it for about 5 minutes each morning when I wake up. The key, I think, is to challenge the pattern of thinking that says, "I'm not good enough, I'm a nobody, I always mess up," or whatever your unkind dialogue might be saying to you. You have to challenge it and practice being kind to yourself, like you would do any other person. When these thoughts crop up you have to say, Hey, I don't deserve that. I deserve love and acceptance like everybody else. And it does take a lot of practice. If you are anything like me, you've been running this negative script in your head for many, many years. So it's going to take a while to switch it over to a kinder script. But if you start to practice kindness to yourself, I think it will eventually become more natural.
I hope that makes even a little sense and doesn't sound too weird! It has been helping me. I can very much relate to what you wrote. I have struggled to love and accept myself my whole life. It eventually started to really interfere with my ability to be happy and appreciate my wonderful life. That's when I decided to seek help, and I'm glad I did. Good luck to you! Hugs!
Throw your "stinking thinking" away and substitute some phrases or scripture. You are the boss of your body and self, and you chose the song in your head. Post your house/car with good phrases (making them cute is optional).
Expand your naughty word/off limits list to include other trigger phrases that are not good for you, not just certain 4 letter words.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
-Philippians 4:13
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