Confidence!

Or lack there of!

This is where I struggle, each and every day!

But, this is something I desperately need to work on.  But how?!  I've been trying, but I instantly seem to fall right back into my same old rut. 

Not only do I want to help myself, but more importantly, I want to help my daughter!  She means the world to me, and I want her to be confident in herself, to be proud of herself and to LOVE herself. 

But HOW do I do that?  How do I help myself so that she sees that and learns that?  UGH!  This is so hard!

How do I learn to love myself?  How do I put my past behind me and accept that any mistakes I've made, have molded me into the person I am today?  How do I learn to take a compliment and accept that the person might actually be being sincere? 


Come on people, I need some major therapy here!  Please help me out. 


 As I was reading in my Everyday Blessings book, this is what it says about Confidence:

"Confidence is really just the quiet assurance that you are enough-enough of an employee to get the job done, enough of a wife and mother to take care of your family, enough of a women of God to accomplish what He's called you to do.  For some women, that comes easily, for others, not so much.  If your confidence is lagging, reach out to God for help.  He will help you unveil the real you-the confident and assured you."

I know this sounds like I'm not grateful.  But that's not true at all.  I know that I have been blessed with a wonderful husband and family.   I have been blessed in so many ways, I can't even count them.  And that should be enough!  But this confidence thing is a huge struggle and I just know that if I could love myself, then all those blessings could be multiplied into so much more. 

Seeking advise....any and all!

My girl!

If you know my Maggie, you also know that she does not have an outgoing personality.  She is super shy and is pretty cautious when it comes to new things. 

This makes me sad....because I used to be her.  The super shy kid, the one who missed out because she was too scared to try. 

But, she is making great progress.  She has definitely come out of her shell and she is starting to get more comfortable with new/or different situations. 

Recently, Andy and I MADE the kids (we're so mean!) start going to kids choir at church.  They practice weekly and sing in front of the congregation once a month.  Both kids did NOT want to do it.  But we told them that this was something they had to at least try.  We told them they would have to participate from January through May and then, if they didn't want to do it after that, it was fine.  But they both had to TRY!

On the first night of practice, Max had a total meltdown.  He just didn't want any part of it.  Maggie was all calm, cool and collected until she realize that Max wasn't going to be in the same group with her.  (I guess, I should have found that out before hand).   Then she melted down too.  You really would have thought that I was cutting their arms off with a butter knife.  I was just SO horrible. 

But they both went their separate ways, and guess what, they came back with smiles on their faces.  They actually had some fun!  Who would have guessed.

So, step one went over okay.  Now for step two.  Getting my girl to get up and sing in front of the church.  I honestly thought about telling her that if she was too uncomfortable, that she didn't have to do it.  But I held back.  I'm trying to help her, not give her a way out.  Not a word was said about it, and then finally Saturday night, she kindly reminded us that we needed to be at church early so that she could find out where she needed to be.  We got her there on time and she pretty much just went and did her thing.  She got up there, did what she was supposed to do and might have even had a little fun.  She didn't smile much the first service,  but who cares, she got up there! She looked super nervous, but who cares, she got up there!

This is progress and I LOVE it. 

I was so proud! 

 (sorry the picture is blurry, it's either the camera on the phone or my shaking "nervous mom" hand....probably the latter!)

Do you see her? She's there on the far right.  Oh, and on top of singing, they were also playing the bells.  When I asked her about not smiling, she said, "Mom, I was trying to concentrate, you have to pay attention so you know where you are in the song." 

 Can't really argue with that. 

Anyway....if you're still reading, thanks I know I can sometimes ramble on, but I'm a proud mom who loves her girl very, very much!

Need a little color?!?

My boy....sometimes he is wise beyond his years.  He is a very observant kid.  He always notices if I've gotten my hair cut or painted my nails.  He notices new things in the house too (this could possibly be a problem, if I'm not careful) and always says something sweet to comment on these things.  He will definitely make a good husband someday. 

So the other day, he said something that didn't totally shock me, but got me thinking.  We were walking out of Kroger and he said, "Mom, I think you need some color in your life!  Your van is gray and has lots of gray "stuff" on it from winter, your coat is gray and your purse is gray.  Doesn't all that gray make you sad?"  

All I could say to respond was, "You're right, buddy!  I'm not sad, but maybe I do need to add a splash of color!" 

There's not much I can do about the gray van, except maybe wash it and I really love the purse (btw, I'd call it silver, not gray). So, I guess a new scarf it is....just for a pop of color!    Just thinking of it makes me smile and maybe, just maybe, that will be enough to get me though to spring. 

Please say a little prayer!

**Update - Andy's surgery went very well.  He is home, has a full belly and is enjoying his pain medication.  Thanks for all the prayers today, we definitely felt them.  Please continue to pray for a speedy recovery and a few prayers for my sanity wouldn't hurt either!  :)  Thanks! **

For my hubby.

He's having surgery today.

He's having not one, but TWO hernias repaired along with another "very manly" procedure.  Getting it all done in one big swoop. 

Biking season is right around the corner you know, oh what am I talking about, he's been biking all winter long.

Everything will be just fine, we know that.  It's the recovery time that might be a little tricky.  Thank goodness he's a strong, active and otherwise healthy guy.

So if you have an extra minute today, say a little prayer for my sweet hubby.  It would be greatly appreciated.

Another Anniversary!

It's been three years.  Three years since my diagnoses of MS.  As I was looking back, I wrote this post a year into it.  I have to say.  Not much has changed (Thank the Lord!)  I am doing SO well.  I have learned to listen to my body.  I have learned what works and what doesn't.  And in some kind of weird way, I think my MS has been a blessing.  It has made me more aware of what my body is capable of and the power of positive thinking. 
Things aren't too bad for me, and I am grateful for that, but it also reminds me that so many others with MS *ARE* suffering. Things aren't as easy for them. 

But today, I will remember to stay positive, and to be thankful for the many challenges God brings my way.  I will also remember how scared I was back then and remind myself that I am never alone in this.  I have a wonderful God who is ALWAYS with me, a supportive husband who is always there, and family and friends who I can always count on. 


This was written back on February 12, 2010.....


A year ago today, I posted this request for you to pray. YOU did! And I am so thankful! Then I posted this explaining what was going on....I have to say that I honestly never saw it coming...who ever does really? We tend to think nothing bad is ever going to happen to us.

I've learned so much in this past year, and I know that God puts these challenges in our lives for a reason. I've learned that I have to listen to my body. That's a hard thing for this "I-love-my-routine" girl. Sometimes I have to just slow down, take a rest and refocus on what is really important. Fatigue is the worst complication I've had so far. And that is something I can deal with.

Back in June, I started a treatment program. The medicine is basically to keep the MS from progressing as fast. It's not a guarantee and honestly, the doctors don't really know if it will work...but I feel like I at least have to give it a go. So I do a daily injection...remember my friend, Polly...she and I have become the best of friends. The injections aren't too bad. Most of the time, I swell up a little at the injection site...followed by a bruise and/or lump...but nothing a long sleeve shirt can't hide. I keep telling my friend Laura who has some pretty amazing artwork on her arms that I might need to think about getting a tattoo....just to hide the bruising.

There will always be hurdles to face and struggles to overcome. There will be rough days, when I have to rely on others to help me through....but I'm not going to sit around and wait for those days to come. I'm going to enjoy the everyday, great days that are here now!

I feel so lucky to have such a wonderful, supportive family and group of friends. People who check in on me, friends who make sure I'm not overdoing it, and most importantly a husband who is by my side every moment of the way.

God has blessed me more than I could ever imagine. I am so thankful for all the challenges He sends my way. For in those challenges, I grow closer to Him and that is the greatest gift.

**Since then, I do have a real-life friend named Polly....another blessing to me!  And as far as those tattoos go....well, I don't have any, but I still admire them on Laura. 

I am SO blessed!

My favorite Valentines!

These sweet faces are tops on my list!

But without this handsome fellow, those sweet faces wouldn't have been possible!

Oh, how I am blessed!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Twins!

This was all Max's idea, Andy is more of a why-do-people-do-that kind of guy when it comes to matching.  We thought we'd help daddy get out of his comfort zone for a few hours!

Notes of LOVE!

When Andy and I got married 10 years ago, our pastor encouraged us to write down five reasons why we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.  We were not to consult with each other, and we were to dig into our own thoughts and understandings about our love for each other.  Then, we sealed them up and we only able to open them "in case of emergency" or at a milestone. 

On our recent trip to San Diego, we decided to take the envelopes with us.  Not for "emergency" reasons, but because of the "milestone" accomplishment.  As many of you know, with all the everyday, routine things in our lives, sometimes our relationships get put on the back burner.  Even thought everything is fine, all the romance seems to the last thing you have time for. 

We ended up reading our letters to each other on our trip and decided to write new letters to each other too.  We're going to seal them all together and then open them again in another 10 years.  

It was nice to get refreshed and refocused on each other!  Remember all the wonderful reasons God brought us together and getting a plan together to make "us" just as important as all the other priorities in our life. 

What a dream!

Early Tuesday morning I woke up suddenly.  I had had a dream.  It wasn't a bad dream.  It didn't wake me because I thought I was falling or something bad was happening.  It was actually quite the opposite.

My dream was about my great-grandma.  I knew her as "Grandma Red" which I found out was because she had red hair.  I never knew her with red hair.  Only white....and it was a pretty white!  I have very fond memories of her.

But the dream I had was so real.

So real that I could smell the smell of the assistant living apartment she lived in.  I could see the two green chairs with a round pedestal table in-between the chairs (I even saw the rounded drawer and the circle pull to open the drawer) sitting right in front of a window.  I could see the doily and a lamp on that table with a candy dish filled with butterscotch candies.  I could see her sitting in one of the chairs with her knee-high panty-hose, her closed toe lace-up heels, and her purse waiting for me to come to the door to get her.  I could see her smile as I came through the door.  As she stood up, she checked her hair in the mirror that was hanging on the wall over the couch.  As I glanced around, I saw a red-headed doll sitting in a little rocking chair on the floor next to her television. There was never a word spoken.

It was like I had just seen her.  Like yesterday!

The crazy part is that she went on to heaven on July 15, 1995. 

The other weird thing is all the detailed information I remembered and continue to recall today.  More details.  The layout of her apartment, her little back patio where she would sit on nice days, the color of the carpet and her car.  But it was all about the location, the apartment, the "stuff."  Not her!

I hope she knows that I haven't forgotten HER.  That I do remember all the times we went to Mr. Steak, how she would let me have one of those butterscotch candies (even when mom said "no"), and her cheesecakes. 

I don't know if she was trying to send me a message or just say hello.  All I know is that it was great to visit that time again and be reminded how very blessed I am to have those memories.

San Diego!

 We spent a few hours at the San Diego Zoo!  

 The sunset from Paradise Point....where we stayed!

 LaJolla Beach....this was my favorite!

  Seeing the seals in their natural habitat was better than the zoo for me....and free!  That's even better!

 Torry Pines!  Beautiful!

Paradise Point...this was the little island we stayed on!  It was a GREAT trip!

Winner...

I still can't get the video of Maggie drawing a name out of a hat for our blog giveaway to post.  But I just wanted to make sure that you knew that I did, in fact pick a winner.   TWO, actually!

The winners are Pat Palamar (who is my dear aunt who lives in Las Vegas) and Staci P who I know from Lincoln school.  I was very excited to draw their names (although any name I drew would have been exciting to me) and look forward to making them each something special.  

Thanks again for entering in the giveaway and for showing me the love.  I really enjoyed reading how I know you all and wish I could give you ALL something....maybe someday!

It's not too late....

There is still LOTS of time!

Time to get it on my little giveaway! 

Time is up at noon today....I'll have the kids pick a winner after school today!

Click on this post and leave a comment!  You know you want to!

Pictures of our really quick San Diego trip tomorrow....stay tuned!

02-02-02

February 2, 2002 was the day I married the best guy in the whole world. (At least in my eyes.) It was a day I will always remember. A day filled with lots of love, and sharing it with our family and friends was the best part.

You can read our entire love story here!

Andy,
The years have flown by and even though we've had some challenges, I wouldn't have been able to get through them without you! Your compassion for others is one of the things that attracted me to you, along with your ALWAYS positive attitude! (This one drives me a little nuts sometimes!) Thank you for being who you are, a great husband, a fabulous daddy and a giving friend! Happy Anniversary! I ♥ U!


Today, as we celebrate 10 years of marriage and being together for 15, we are taking some much needed time for the two of us.  As you read this, we are (hopefully) flying high in the sky headed to sunny San Diego.  It's going to be a really (short) long weekend, but we are really looking forward to it.